Bacon: Soon to be a staple of the past?
There’s a worthy cause to panic about, folks. It has nothing to do with the upcoming election; nothing to do with Nicki Minaj being elected a judge on ‘American Idol'; nothing to do with spaying and neutering your pets. It’s about bacon, plain and simple. Throw open your front door and scream frustrations if you must.
WHAT … ?!? No bacon … ?!?
(No, no, no … not Kevin Bacon, you goof.)
There’s a pending porkacolypse, folks, and it’s coming to local grocers, butcher shops and carnicerias sooner than you think. The world will soon be going to hell in a hand basket. It appears we’ll be losing one of our four food groups: Bacon.
Where will the maple long johns at donut shop get their porky topping? (Voodoo Donuts could very well go out of business.) Where will the county fairs get the filling for their chocolate covered bacon? What would crack potatoes be without bacon crumbles? *sniff*
We need a plan … and now. We need to stock up. We need to ration. We need careful consideration and preparation lest our beloved bacon becomes but a distant memory.
Think about it: Breakfasts won’t be the same! Your over-medium eggs will be lonely! Waffles? Sadly lacking! The BLT? Extinct! Those ever-lovin’ strips that make your burger: No more! Rumaki will be a thing of the past! Those tiny, delicate squares of love in your salad and atop your potato skins? History! We all know bacon is what “makes” the creamed spinach … right? Well … no longer!
And don’t give me any of that “What’s the big deal? Turkey bacon will still be around” nonsense. I won’t subscribe to it. There’s a reason the saying states “Everything’s Better With Bacon” … not “Everything’s Better With Turkey Bacon.” And that reason is because it’s bacon … real bacon. There is no substitute.
Yeah … it’s coming. Fast.
“No more bacon.” Those are words that are chilling right down to the very core. *shudder*