Let me introduce myself. My name is Richard Keller and, as of January 17th, I have not had a McDonald’s burger or fry in two years. Shocking, I know! Especially since you can’t throw a chicken nugget out the car window without striking a set of golden arches.
Nevertheless, it’s true. It’s also a bit scary. For, you see, I stopped my ingestion of Big Macs and Quarter Pounders cold turkey, with nary a glance back. Not even an urge to taste a burger or nugget when the rest of my family indulged. Amazed and astounded as to how I made this happen? Well, put that McDouble down and I’ll tell you how I did it.
I clearly remember the day when I gave it all up. I had just come home from my 1-year-old son’s tear duct surgery (a success, thank you very much) and, as hectic parents do in these situations, decided to stop at McDonald’s for some lunch. While the kids got chicken nuggets I got my normal selection — two double cheeseburgers (this was prior to the McDouble) and fries. As I had to pick up one of my older children from pre-school I wolfed both of my burgers down on the way out the door.
As soon as that last morsel of “meat” and cheese slid through my intestines I knew something was wrong. I began to feel a progressive churning in my stomach that wasn’t related to hunger. Rushing to grab my daughter from class I noticed a good bit of nausea beginning to build. By the time I got home I had to head upstairs to the bedroom where, like an alligator on a hot Florida day, I barely moved.
That is, until lunch decided to make a return appearance. I will not bore or gross you out with the details — I’m sure you’re picturing it now as you push away your Big Mac. Needless to say, the return was so powerful that I broke the capillaries around my eyes, making it look like I had lost a recent fight to Grimace. It was a horrible sensation; worse than anything I had previously experienced. Luckily, once it was out of my system I got progressively better.
From that point on me and Mickey D were no longer friends. Hell, we were barely even acquaintances for many months after. There was now such a stigma attached to the restaurant that I even sold my stock. Eventually, I returned to the fast food chain only for sodas and shakes but I never, ever went back for anything containing an all-beef patty covered by two buns.
The elimination of McDonald’s from my diet was not a bad thing, mind you. I realize now that I was eating eating there several times a week and was subjecting my family to it thanks to its convenience. It certainly wasn’t keeping us in any sort of good health wolfing down double cheeseburgers and french fries. For me, once I gave it up, I noticed that my complexion became clearer and my waist became thinner. I also saved a good bit of money that was used to purchase fruits and vegetables for me and my family to indulge in.
I still dabble in the fast food universe once in awhile — mostly Burger King. However, since that incident two years ago it isn’t as much of a daily ritual as it had been. So, let me thank McDonald’s and their double cheeseburgers, along with some sort of viral infection, for making me a healthier person more aware of the dangers of fast food. Here’s hoping you don’t get two black eyes from eating Big Macs.
Clacked by Richard Keller 
on Jan 25, 2009 @ 22:27 EST5EDT
