Scott Shulman’s back Guest-clacking for us again, after sharing his thoughts about just how super Ina Garten is in his last post….
I was sitting at my go-to sushi place the other night and noticed a man and woman having what can only be described as an awkward first date. The guy (Guy) had rigid lines in his hair creating the tell-tale ‘fresh-haircut-box’ in the back of his head which showed off the noticeable white skin that used to be covered by his unkempt hair. The girl (Gal) wasn’t much better. You could tell she either spent a lot of time shopping for her outfit, or a lot of time making the outfit, because everything matched perfectly.
Honestly, it was probably one of the sweetest moments I’ve witnessed in recent memory. Guy’s trying to schmooze up Gal with the menu, even though he unknowingly has remnants of shaving cream on the side of his neck. Gal struggles with the chop sticks, inadvertently exploding soy sauce and wasabi across the table. All the while everything is sweetly being anesthetized with the combination of Asahi and sake, as it should be. It was all so cute and innocent … until they started bringing out the food.
It looked as though Guy took to the menu a bit too zealously, because when the uni shooters came out, my innate sushi sense started tingling, and I could tell it wasn’t going to go over well with Gal. (Very seldom do you see an apparent sushi novice jump into the deep end with uni let alone uni shooters.)
I saw her lean into Guy, undoubtedly asking what it was, to which he replied, “It’s really good,” (Good job Guy, brace her for the bad news) “It’s a shot glass with some sake,” (Not bad) “some green onions,” (The fuse is lit) “Tobasco,” (Tic) “smelt roe,” (Tic) “uni, which is sea urchin roe,” (Tic) “and a raw quail egg.” (BOOM!) Gal seemed more like Mariah Carey in a diva tantrum than the sweet girl from moments earlier, as she literally convulsed in her seat. (I’ve had a few uni shooters in my day and they really aren’t that bad … utterly uncalled for, but doable.)
Guy was faced with a debilitating conundrum. Do I take two uni shooters and utterly shatter any chance of hooking up with Gal? Or waste roughly thirty dollars on the ovum version of Surf and Turf and order chicken teriyaki? Needless to say, with the current state of the economy, Guy pounded his uni shooters in front of a thoroughly disgusted Gal, and the rest of their dinner ended as awkwardly as it began.
After dinner, the two uncomfortable twenty-somethings walked into the San Fernando Valley night, disappearing back into the depths of eHarmony. I leaned back in my chair and chuckled at the thought of how brash Guy was with his culinary mandates. I mean, you gotta crawl before you can walk, and he should have known better. (But I can’t really talk, considering I was eating dinner alone.) But that’s when I realized I too faced a daunting query. One that has plagued man since the beginning of time…
What’s the best first-date food to eat?
Stay tuned as I investigate.
Clacked by Guest Clacker
on Apr 16, 2009 @ 10:00 EST5EDT
The first birthday I spent with my now-husband, he took me to NYC for sushi, which I had never experienced. I was pretty sure it wasn’t my thing, but he was so convinced that when I tried it, I would love it…and he was wrong. He ordered a big ol’ plate of raw fish and I only managed about two bites, and he had to finish the rest. Obviously, I didn’t hold it against him, since I married him, but at least he learned to not force foods on me I know I won’t like, because we now live in a place were snails are bar snacks and pigs-ear vinaigrette is a fancy appetizer.
The best first date food is whatever Gal says it is, end of story.
Great story Scott! This reminds me of a time many years ago in my waitressing days when I observed a young, nervous 20-ish couple having a dinner date. Apparently the “guy” wanted to impress the “gal” by ordering lobsters, but when they arrived, in shell, neither one had any idea how to tackle them. I really felt for them and the awkwardness of their situation, but I was in no position to help. I hope they both have a good enough sense of humor about it to look back and laugh!
I agree with Cate in terms of “best first date food”, but for “worst first date food”, I would nominate (and to be honest, this is actually something I’ve given some thought to) Lobster/Crab unless it’s something you’re comfortable dealing with, string pastas, and any type of overstuffed burgers/sandwiches
Roscoe’s. Nothing says “you love me, dontcha?” like a waffle oozing with the menage-a-trois of chicken, syrup and red rooster