Jack The Giant Slayer is a giant disappointment

Purpose and identity are closely tied together — often we ask: “What is the point of our lives or existences?” The elusive “purpose” may just be the one thing to tie it all together, something mysterious that “we were always meant for,” whether tied to fate or happenstance. And it is easy to blame our failures on external things: magic beans, giants, legends that promote impossible goals, restrictive gender roles. Or merely technology.

Jack The Giant Slayer is yet another movie based on a public domain faerie tale, one told and retold many ways over the years (I’m partial to Mickey and the Beanstalk). In the classic tale, hapless farmer’s son Jack (Nicholas Hoult) ends up wealthy after stealing from a giant that he found by using a magic beanstalk. Of course, that doesn’t sound like the family friendly hero this movie needed (no shades of grey here!) so instead Jack accidentally gets his hands on magic beans that were the result of ancient “dark magic.” Will he have to rescue the “princess trying to have her own adventure” (Eleanor Tomlinson)? Will he have to worry about obviously sinister Roderick (Stanley Tucci), adviser to the king (Ian McShane) and the princess’ fiance? And what about the mysterious crown that legends claim will be able to control giants, that nobody believes in anymore? Will it be predictable? Yes! Yes it will.

The movie starts with a few clever touches, and you begin to wonder if they might be going in a marginally original direction, and then Jack and the Princess share a glance. But then it’s dropped because a princess can’t marry a commoner and maybe the movie will actually stick with something original. And then the beanstalk literally takes the princess into the sky and she’s just a damsel in distress. Roderick (with Stanley Tucci putting forth a slight modicum of effort, but not much) is ultimately pointless to the story. There are a few glimpses into the inner hierarchy of the giants, but that’s quickly passed aside for more generic, computer-generated action scenes. The lone interesting performer is Ewan McGregor as the capable and loyal soldier that moves beyond predictable behavior. But Nicholas Hoult is bland (he’s been better elsewhere) and seems like he’s supposed to be in a movie about a modern teen that travels back to the medieval area (even dresses like it!). Eleanor Tomlinson is just another bland pretty girl here, with a character that ends up being dry and banal. Instead of talk about skill or fate, everything revolves around luck and happenstance. And a boatload of contrivance. I guess you could say it’s just good enough for a family rental.

How did director Bryan Singer do? Unfortunately, this ended up more like the boring Superman Returns than the classic The Usual Suspects. But I’m still hopeful for X-Men: Days of Futures Past. Fingers crossed!