FOX
As you may have already noticed, we’re holding our own nominations of who from our favorite TV characters we think should be nominated for president this election season. I admit fellow Clacker Bob Degon has put himself behind one worthy candidate in Laura Roslin. I am here to officially endorse the candidate I feel would be best suited for the job of President of the United States:
The Head of Richard Nixon, from Futurama.
Let’s weigh former tricky-Dick’s pros and cons, shall we?
Pros:
- Experience: In his full-body form, Mr. Nixon served as a senator and vice president before ultimately taking the seat as President of the United States between 1969 and 1974. He’s made his fair share of mistakes, as we all know, which he’s had over 1000 years to to reflect on. From his liquid-filled jar he’s witnessed the comings and goings of hundreds of presidents and knows what’s worked and what hasn’t.
- He’s from the future: This could fit in within “experience,” but it’s a big enough pro not to ignore. Look, if he’s from the future and he’s running for President today, don’t you think it’s a waste of time to vote for anyone else? Y’know, because he might know something about what’s going to happen.
- He’s totally green: Not only is he just a head, but he’s confined to a jar. He doesn’t consume anything nor does he excrete waste. As long as his jar is changed regularly, he’s not harmful to the environment. Just make sure his jar liquid is marked and disposed of properly in a hazardous waste container and we’ll all be fine.
- He can’t push “the button” — No hands!
- He’s not a crook: How many times does he have to tell you?
Cons:
- People don’t forget: That pesky thing called “Watergate” caused Mr. Nixon a bit of, shall we say, “negative feelings” toward his former presidency. Luckily, since the head of Richard Nixon is not subject to the limitations of term in the White House, he may be looked upon as newly reformed.
- He can’t shake hands/kiss babies: When on the campaign trail, Mr. Nixon’s head may be in a bit of a pickle (no pun intended) when he’s asked to mingle and connect with the voting public. Unfortunately not many can relate to a head in a jar.
- He can’t sign bills into/out of law: Depending on how you look at it, that’s going to be a bit of a problem.
- He’s the face of the future: People want to believe there’s hope for the future. When they look at Mr. Nixon’s head in a jar, it paints a pretty bleak picture for what’s to become of people when they kick the bucket. Some people just want to die, dammit.
- He can’t push “the button”: Hey, you never know when we might need to cease life on the planet in one fell swoop.
Possible running mates: He’s got the entire United States presidency of heads in jars to choose from — there are simply too many to choose from!
Be sure to check back for more of our nominations and remember to vote for your favorite when the time comes – it’s your civic duty!
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