The Amazing Race – Do It Like a Madman

by Jason Hughes

Dallas Cowboys

(Season 13, Episode 5)

Well, I’m starting to get some teams that I enjoy watching, and I always love the beautiful settings that we get to see on this show, but for the most part everybody is still pretty boring. Maybe they filtered out the crazy people too well, or they’ve all been eliminated. I know that the crazy is alive and well in Kelly, Christy and Tina but all three were somewhat toned down this episode. Maybe all the running around is starting to wear them down.

Cambodia, where we spent most of our action, is fascinating and tragic all at the same time. The village on water was pretty damned cool, and while it would be a blast to live in such a place, I’d have to insist on first world technology there with me instead of third world. After all, I have to be able to bring you these wonderful reviews every week. Damn, we’re running out of teams and I just can’t get all that excited about any of them. Starr is hot (Dallas Cowboy cheerleader hot don’tchaknow!), and Toni & Dallas are so nice … and … yeah, that’s all I got.

Idiots on the Race

Dan & Andrew – These two morons couldn’t figure out a basic gas pump, cranking it like an arthritic 120-year old. You guys are college kids, aren’t you? Or do you just hang out and drink with your buddies at their frats? After about five and a half days of cranking, and with every team but Aja & Ty having passed them, they finally decided to put some effort into it. “Hey, wattayaknow that worked!”
Nick & Starr – “Oh my god, Nick. I think we have to stop and ask for directions.” Why? “Because … I don’t know. I just get paranoid sometimes and rather than just shut the hell up and keep moving, I want to risk the entire race to make myself feel better.” So stop they did and got passed they did. Bonus for the people she asked for directions having no idea where she was supposed to be going. But they appreciated her stopping so they could stare at her cleavage.
Kelly & Christy – On the Detour, these two morons started shooting hoops before they even knew what the hell was going on. Then, when they went to pick up the chattering teeth, they thought they were supposed to take the teeth out of the dental patient; thank God someone was there to stop them.
Ken & Tina – Tina ran around Angkor Wat (think huge ancient temple) and right through and past the little room she was looking for over and over again before finally figuring it out. I was almost thinking we were going to get a classic Tina mental breakdown and psychotic screaming fit, but she held it together. There’s always next week.

Unfortunately, this was the most anti-climactic episode in the history of The Amazing Race. Aja and Ty booked a flight a full month and a half after the other teams, and while they at least got close enough to see them during the final challenge, it was probably not even as close as some fancy editing tried to make it out to be. So with absolutely zero surprise or pizazz, Aja and Ty were eliminated so Ty could go home and pack up. He’s gonna move to Cali to be with his girl!

In the end there could be only six (still no non-elimination leg). Their order of finish: