Who would want to steal the identity of a Celebrity Apprentice?

Not to be cruel, but this week’s challenge made me laugh. The teams were tasked with creating an in-store marketing display for LifeLock, a company that provides identity theft protection. The threat is real, but when one of the teams included their faces in the campaign, implying that anyone out there is looking to be them, I just had to roll my eyes. Sure, it’s possible, but the implication that it’s true because they’re rich and famous is just ridiculous. Get real Joan Rivers!

(Speaking of which: sorry Jackie, but I have to give the Joan and Clint fight to Clint … he may be rubbing people the wrong way, but she’s out of her mind. Last night’s episode says it all.)

The episode actually started out with a little something of note. Joan was still fuming over her sparring match with Clint Black, and had already vowed never to work with him again. In the boardroom, Tionne Watkins and Khloe Kardashian were being canned for flimsy reasons that were merely a thinly veiled method for Trump to mold the teams as he chose. When he met with the “celebrities” the following day, Trump asked them if anyone had a problem with what had transpired in the boardroom. Though everyone did, only Joan vaguely nodded, and then proceeded to say that she thought the project managers, who held the ultimate responsibility, really should have been fired (by the way: she may have felt that way about Clint, but that would have cost her darling Melissa the competition as well!)

I was pretty surprised that this group of people who claim to be all powerful business leaders would shrink away from confronting Trump. What do they stand to lose if they voice their opinions? This isn’t The Apprentice seasons one through six, where contestants were vying for a job (ostensibly). This is all for charity, and the point is that these people are supposed to be on par with The Donald. The display was really pathetic.

The task itself pitted the newly returned Brian McKnight against the newly vocal Natalie Gulbis. I’m surprised that Brian was allowed to lead, as he’s been project manager before. Jesse James, also on the team, has yet to take the helm, although I understand the rationale behind being a solid contributor until the day you have to seat the ultimate responsibility on your shoulders. So too with Annie Duke. But then Annie proceeded to shine a pretty telling light on herself. In a talking head, she said that she preferred not to lead a task where the objective is a subjective product. Meaning, she’s shying away from anything that could be judged beyond success or failure. Not really a good indicator for her, but she does continue to produce, so for now I’ll lay off.

This week was a little light on task details, something I was beginning to enjoy this season. As horrifying as it is to imagine two hours of the show, I think it’s actually an improvement over other years, where the task was truncated to make room for more boardroom. What I did find was that Athena was very out of synch, even forgetting about Jesse being violently ill. For some reason, Brande Roderick decided to play the floozy, a role she hadn’t assumed thus far. And Annie may have been right to push the team, but her approach was completely wrong for a competition where leadership has to funnel down from the top. Brian appeared not to have really returned from his hiatus from the show; while I understand that that was Annie’s motivation, she was still a huge detriment to her team. Melissa, on the other hand, wasted her time and the teams’ focus by pushing back against Annie’s abrasiveness. She should have just ignored her and done her job.

KOTU wasn’t a model of efficiency or effectiveness, and I think the late idea to add their faces to a really cute idea was awful, but they clearly had the better product and they pulled out the win. Clint and Joan even held hands in the boardroom, a sickening display that no one wanted to see. In the boardroom, George (he’s back!) took on Melissa for her wasted time spent researching useless knowledge for the presentation, which was lackluster anyway. With Joan fuming in the suite as her baby was attacked, I officially took my leave of her. Joan’s psychosis is not worth another one of my sentences.

Meanwhile, Ivanka got in on the action by questioning Annie’s seeming fear of leading. With her dominant personality week to week, it’s hard to imagine she hasn’t yet been project manager for any reason other than trepidation, and Ivanka did not like that. I was actually impressed that Trump let his two “advisors” contribute as much as they did. Maybe he’s growing!

As expected, Brian was fired/ chose to leave, as he admitted not really wanting to be a part of the competition any longer. Okay … though I didn’t mind him when he was a wallflower, when he started to contribute more, he showed a surprisingly nasty side that I can do without. Contrary to what other’s might do, I don’t tune into the show for the cattiness or the fighting; I watch because it’s just funny. Too many of the contestants end up wasting my time, so I say so long, Brian McKnight.

With 45 minutes left in the episode, and the teams called back to the boardroom, I expected us to witness Trump asking the group if any of the rest of them wanted out. Or at least to hear him ream the Rivers out for their unhealthy relationship (okay, that one was a reach, but, come on!) Instead, the “celebrities” were handed their next task: the auction!

I actually enjoyed this task last year. In fact, I wish that episode had been two hours long so that we could have seen more random celebs calling up on the phone and bidding on crap, ala Richard Branson and whatever other Brits Piers Morgan dug up. So I was psyched to see that this year’s is taking place while there are still a fair number of contestants left. More contestants means more “high-profile” friends!

The competition also features Annie versus Joan, with a little animosity bubbling up between them. And because it’s just between the two of them, it was astounding to listen to Melissa Rivers talk for the next 40 minutes about how two-faced her teammate Annie is. Surprise, surprise, she stole the complaint, and even the words, right out of mommy’s mouth! There’s plenty to say about her plenty to say, but Melissa too isn’t worth my time … This is so much easier when I can simply cut down who I need to discuss!

Anyway, the episode left us with the building blocks for next week: calls put in to donors, models chosen, jewelry for the auction selected, item brochures designed. All in all, neither team seems to have any idea what they’re doing. People are claiming left and right to be experts in fashion, jewelry, and auctions, and all I saw were ugly clothing, nasty jewelry, and a computer mock-up of the cover of a brochure. Let’s hope these lightweights at least have the power to bring in dollars; otherwise, next week’s could be the most embarrassing, and therefore most amusing, episode yet.

Did I forget to mention … Piers is back! Tune in.

Clacked by Aryeh S.
on Apr 13, 2009 @ 12:04 EST5EDT