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Diary of a Battlestar Galactica Virgin – Worst. Rebellion. Ever.

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Last time on Battlestar Galactica season 4.5 virgin diary, the bumbling duo of Felix Gaeta and Tom Zarek joined forces to overthrow the military and government. They were none too pleased at the prospect of Cylons being allowed to become citizens of the fleet. I guess all those “toasters” and “skinjobs” walking around made them a wee nervous. Combine that with Felix still being perturbed about the whole leg thing, and Zarek being a power-hungry prick, and we’ve got ourselves a full-scale coup d’état. What could possibly go wrong? Uh… everything.

“The Oath”

All these seasons I thought Gaeta was nothing but a number-crunching nerd. Much to my surprise, the kid’s got balls. Good for him. However, pegging Zarek as a partner wasn’t very smart. It took the guy what, five minutes, before he killed someone? Tommy likes killing; his brutish ways are clashing with Gaeta’s more analytical approach. The team of frick and frak are hurtling toward failure.

Don’t Bill and Laura make an adorable couple? The Admiral and the President — coming to ABC this fall. So much for Laura’s staying out of presidential affairs. A sudden uprising really does put a damper on plans of rest and relaxation. Score one for Laura, though. Her idea to use Baltar’s wireless to communicate with the fleet was clever indeed. Bill, gallant as ever, made sure she was taken off Galactica.

Starbuck may be on edge, but she didn’t forget how to kick ass. She was guns blazing like Laura Croft when she saved Lee’s behind. Lee and Starbuck, together again — coming to NBC this fall. I dare say Starbuck could give Ellen Ripley a run for her money in the category of “hot chicks you don’t wanna fuck with.”

Damn! Was Adama pissed when Gaeta charged him with treason or what? I imagine once all this hullabaloo is over, Bill ain’t gonna be too forgiving to Mr. Gaeta. On a side note, I always felt Bill referring to Felix as “Mr. Gaeta” a little insulting. Wouldn’t it be more appropriate to call him Lieutenant? It’s almost as if Bill never really considered him a soldier.

“Blood on the Scales”

If not for “Hot Dog,” Laura might be space vapor. She barely landed on the Cylon base ship. Shrewd decision to hide amongst the fleet. Gaeta’s unwillingness to fire on the fleet was a huge mistake on his part. If he had, the base ship would be dust, and a powerful message would have been sent to the rest of the fleet: Don’t trifle with Felix Gaeta; he means business.

Man, Zarek is one bloodthirsty Vice President. Assassinating the Quorom of Twelve was hardcore, to say the least. You can’t leave the guy alone for two minutes without the body count rising. If only Gaeta shared Zarek’s us or them mentality, this spiraling out of control coup might have legs.

It was nice to see Romo Lampkin again, even if his role was limited. The half-assed trial of Adama was special. Gotta praise Bill for not backing down. He sat there and took it like a true leader should. Guilty as charged. Prepare to be executed, Admiral. Yeah, right. Nobody puts Bill Adama in the corner and shoots him. Nobody.

As expected, the Gaeta/Zarek plot took a dump. It was close at the end. Chief gets credit for the save by sabotaging the FTL drive. Nice to see Chief didn’t abandon his loyalties. Alas, one of the most ill-conceived rebellions in small screen history comes to an end. Bye, bye Felix. Bye, bye Tom.

“No Exit”

Anders took a bullet in the head last episode. I neglected to mention it because I forgot he was still on the show. At any rate, he’s filling in all the blanks about the history of Cylons. The Final Five created the skinjobs to stop war among the Centurions. The development of a human-like machine that believed in one true God seemed like a good notion. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out too well. Did the Five not peruse human history? We aren’t exactly a peace-loving species.

The origin of Ellen was cool. She’s basically the Queen bee among Cylons. She was the main creator. She developed resurrection technology. Really? And I thought she was just Saul’s ditsy whore of a wife. There is so much shit being stuffed into this chapter, I can’t keep track. It seems Ronald Moore knew he was running out of time and panicked.

Cavil and Ellen have issues. I loved his enraging speech about being trapped in a fallible human body. He’s no fan of religion, that’s for sure. Clearly, he represents the science side of things, while Ellen leans toward the spiritual. The revelations that Cavil murdered the Sevens and suffocated the Final Five were eye-opening. What a dick. He also let slip something about a “Colony” of Cylons. Hmm… I bet that’s not the last we hear of that.

Galactica is falling apart. It’s old. Chief’s magical Cylon goo seems like a temporary fix. I sense a last hurrah for the old girl soon. Perhaps a confrontation with the mysterious Cylon Colony is in store.

“Deadlock”

Great. A love triangle between Saul, Ellen and Caprica Six. Boring. This was more soap opera trash. Ellen is jealous. Caprica is freaking. Saul is confused. Blah, fucking, blah. The Cylon fetus dying was not surprising. I don’t care about any of this drivel.

Speaking of not caring, Gaius returned to his enclave. He’s playing Jesus again. Can someone crucify him, please? His story ran out of steam a long time ago. Even if he’s integral to the ultimate conclusion, I find his presence totally unnecessary.

Final Thoughts

“Blood on the Scales” was a good episode. The Ellen backstory was interesting. The rest was, meh. I just want it to be over at this point.

Photo Credit: Syfy

5 Responses to “Diary of a Battlestar Galactica Virgin – Worst. Rebellion. Ever.”

August 21, 2009 at 11:17 AM

Huge miscalculation not to eliminate Starbuck first.

I will always love Adama saying, “I bathed them (cylons), made their meals.”

August 21, 2009 at 4:01 PM

I hated the Rebellion as much as anyone (to the point of being obnoxious about it), but, to many, it was the highlight of 4.5.

It is nice to be able to go back and look at the little things. Roslin knowing that Adama would stay with the ship and accepting that as fact before it ever came up. Hot Dog’s morality saving Roslin again during a coup. And the Chief continuing to be a bad ass (Other than my favorite quote making its comeback, the Chief’s actions are by far my favorite in the finale).

August 21, 2009 at 6:01 PM

No Exit is where the series lost me. The best they could come up with to show us the cylons’ history is to have Anders take a bullet to the brain and spout exposition for half an episode? Hated it.

August 22, 2009 at 12:43 AM

Great post! Especially liked: “He’s playing Jesus again. Can someone crucify him?” Hee.

August 23, 2009 at 11:43 PM

I don’t know about the real military, but in most space navies, “Mister” is the suitable title when addressing an officer of lower rank, male or female, and is not disrespectful.

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