The Week in Clack – Ellen on Idol, Vampire Diaries on top

by Jason Hughes

This week kicks off the real fall season with more premieres than we could possibly list here. Even more intriguing is The Jay Leno Show, kicking off Monday and every weeknight at 10pm. Will it work? I’m sure it’ll launch huge, just like Conan did over on The Tonight Show. But will it last?

If it does, will this spell the slow decline of expensive quality scripted fare on television? And what about expensive less-than-quality programming like ‘Til Death and Brothers? These shows need homes on the schedule as well … for some reason.

The big news, of course, is the crowing of Ellen DeGeneres as the new permanent Paula Abdul on American Idol. She’ll certainly be able to bring the funny, I just worry that she might offer less valuable criticism to the singers than even Abdul did.
Teens have all the power on ABC Family, earning 10 Things I Hate About You a second season renewal. So if The CW collapses, maybe ABC Family can pick up their entire lineup.
Due to her ongoing cancer treatment, Maura Tierney has been forced to pull out of Parenthood completely. I’m sure the ensemble can move on without her, but it’s sad news regardless. Here’s hoping for a speedy and full recovery for her!
Wil Wheaton is making a guest appearance on The Big Bang Theory this season. For once, I hope a guest star simply plays himself, as I think the boys meeting the real Wesley Crusher would likely be funnier than any character they could come up with for him. Luckily, Wil looks exactly the same as he did when he was … what? … like 7-years old on TNG.
President Obama addressed the nation again about his health care plan, and again FOX was the only big network that opted out of covering it. They had Glee and SYTYCD to premiere!
September 14 will see the next Oprah Winfrey Show spin-off as Dr. Oz follows Dr. Phil into his own syndicated talk show. I’m changing my name to Dr. J (not that one) and start appearing on Oprah so I can get my own show!
After adding two lovely young ladies to SNL last week, Lorne Michaels canned Michaela Watkins and Casey Wilson this week. I guess they’d hit their estrogen quota. Then came the accusation that Wilson was fired for being too fat, but since she’s not Hollywood skinny that accusation was inevitable. Even with Wilson saying it’s not true, many still believe it. I love America!
Scooby-Doo turned 40, just in time to learn his origin in the new Scooby-Doo: The Mystery Begins. These things make me sad and old.
It makes me happy that Britain’s Got Talent sensation Susan Boyle will be performing on America’s Got Talent’s finale this week. I think I like her charming personality better than her voice.
Jon told GMA that he hates Kate, which kind of proves he stayed with her for the show … for the fame and money. He also said she’s a monster who can unhinge her jaw and swallow children whole (they used to have 18 kids and counting).
And this weekend is the season finales of Hung and True Blood. So all those vamp lovers will have to switch over to The CW and watch The Vampire Diaries for much less sex and much more pining teenagers.
They can join the throngs that found the show’s premiere this week. The Vampire Diaries kicked off their season in strong fashion by proving that teenage girls will watch anything humanoid with fangs. The series premiere set ratings records for the netlet. With Guiding Light going away, it just might be time to bring back Dark Shadows. And if they can keep the girls of VD out of the slammer, they might just have a network-saving hit on their hands.
Speaking of ratings, Sons of Anarchy launched its second season and saw a 95% boost in ratings to 4.3 million from the first season premiere. That is … ridiculous!
Big Brother even improved this summer, enough to warrant CBS renewing it for another run this summer. Gotta start practicing my general douchebaggery.
On a more personal note, this week saw me reach 300 posts here at CliqueClack, which is exciting for the sixteen of you who pay attention to who writes what around here, and the one out of those who actually like what I write. I know you’re out there Mom! Now if I could just convince the powers that be to send me 300 chocolate frosted cupcakes, we’d be golden!