Arrested Development keeps playing games with my heart

by Julia Hass

Since The Curious Case of Benjamin Button got made, it was inevitable that a new movie would take its place in the “will-it-won’t-it” category of perpetual confusion. And taking Benjamin’s place? Arrested Development.

Today news was released that a screenplay is in the works, but, the article notes, that doesn’t mean we should expect anything, since none of the actors have signed on.

Maybe it’s shows like Community that have me longing for more Arrested Development. After all Community also features the younger, socially-incapable guy (Abed) and the older, trying-to-be-cool guy (Pierce). There was a beauty pageant plot on Parks and Recreation, which bore some strong resemblance to the episode where Maeby wins an inner beauty pageant and George Michael decides to join the army after Steve Holt and his dad compete in a triathlon together. That whole storyline with Andy questioning his sexuality on The Office made me miss Tobias more than I think anyone ever should.

Plus, those Bluth actors are everywhere when I turn on my television. If it’s not a commercial for Jason Bateman‘s new movie Couples Retreat (which, I am convinced, is on some channel at all points of the day, and I could keep myself entertained for hours trying to find it), it’s a commercial for Alia Shawkat‘s Whip It, or maybe David Cross will show up on The Daily Show again. Really hit me where it hurts.

Then again, part of me is glad this movie seems like it will never be made. I can’t conceive of a way 90 minutes of film is going to somehow improve upon Arrested Development and not ruin the memory of it for me forever. Can they even get away with making something that’s as wildly offensive as the show was? Is that allowed?

Call me crazy, but despite this news, I’m not feeling like this movie’s getting made. They’ve teased us with it for so long — too long, in fact. And while I feel like it would be great to have more Arrested Development in my life, I doubt I’m getting it. I think, one day, maybe the rest of the world and I will find some way be okay with that. It might take a bit, though.