My wife tells me I’m becoming more descriptively violent as I age, with a whole lot of “I want to punch him/her in the head/side of the head/neck” directed at television characters left and right. And while I’ve certainly vocalized those emotions more often lately, I wonder if it’s me, or my TV.
Take, for example, new American Idol judge Ellen DeGeneres. Whereas Paula Abdul became progressively unintelligible as the seasons rolled by, and Kara DioGuardi can at least flash some musical credentials (even so she’s pushing the limit of tolerance and stupidity), Ellen looks like a completely uninformed, clueless dope. And if that’s not bad enough, she’s also trying to catch up on years of accumulated yes/no mis-directions that Simon and Randy have on her, and as a result she ends up just looking mean.
And that is why I want to punch her in the neck.
But it’s so much more than that. American Idol is, and always will be, a completely subjective show. Rarely have I ever agreed with the other two or three judges (This is a bumper-crop year? For what, people who can’t sing in-tune?), and as the years have gone by I’ve even found myself nodding along with Simon less and less. But at least I could always rationalize the discrepancies by saying, “Even if they’re wrong, these people certainly know better than I what is marketable. Hell, look at Ke$ha.”
But not Ellen. I don’t watch her show, so I don’t know how much time she devotes to American Idol during its annual run. Booking her could have been a great move as far as locking down a certain demographic, or showing us viewers that “fans” can have voices too. And some have said that her humor will bring a cool dynamic to the judges’ table.
So, um, where is any of that? Now that the window is almost closed on the relative significance of the judges’ input, what has Ellen brought to the table? She hasn’t made me laugh. She hasn’t surprised me with her musical insight. In fact, if her opinion is representative of what the common man can bring to this process, I think she’s undermined the entire premise of “You select the winner,” because then clearly we all have no idea what talent is.
Which I don’t believe is true. So where does that leave Ellen? Like I said above, being mean to people unnecessarily. At least Simon does it with charm; Ellen appeared to take great pleasure in hanging this week’s contestants out in the wind while she toyed with them. I found that to be rather unappealing.
And the truth is that while I can see how my feelings toward Ellen are being compounded by how terrible I think Kara is, right now it’s LIFO (last in, first out) that matters most to me. Once Ellen’s gone, we can deal with getting Kara banished. Because, can you imagine next year’s audition rounds with Randy, Kara, Ellen, and a guest judge?
By then I’ll want to punch myself in the neck just to make it stop. So let’s try to forestall that, shall we?
Ellen first.
Clacked by Aryeh S.
on Feb 18, 2010 @ 13:00 EST5EDT
Watch out with that “neck punching”. Someone is bound to take it the wrong way. Not me (I get that you’re a nice fella). But someone will think you are advocating violence against women.
Aw, I think Aryeh would punch a man in the neck too! ;-) We’re looking into anger management classes for him….
*POST AUTHOR*
:-) – Thanks Debbie! And yes, I would. ;)
bsg – I felt like saying “I want to give her some quiet time” might not convey the same message, but we’re talking metaphorically here, of course.
Fine then, but don’t act surprised when the restraining order arrives at your house ;)
*POST AUTHOR*
You got it! :)
I’d rather see Howard Stern be one of the judges. He’s funny,intelligent and honest. Ellen Degenewhat’s her name is unfunny (she actually thinks that dance she does on her show is amusing lol), kind of dumb (granted, that’s part of her comedy shtick) and dishonest (repeatedly adopts stray dogs then gives them away, then cries about it on her day time show) lol.
If not Howard, I’d like Fla Fla Flo Fly as a judge. Stern Rules!!
LIFO!
*cue Conan O’Brien off-speaker*
NERD!
;-D
*POST AUTHOR*
Oh, he’s one to talk! :)
I’ve enjoyed her to this point, much more than i expected to, but I don’t think she’s really done enough ‘judging’ onscreen to rate her quite yet. i don’t see the importance of the fact that the judges have no say once the show really starts, it’s always been that way, and paula and kara’s comments irritate me throughout the season, not just when they’re actually deciding who stays and who goes.
As far as the goofy leading on shtick, they’ve all always done this gag, and i think she actually pulls it off far better than any of them.
Of course it gets old to us at home, but the contestants have no idea she’d been toying with others similarly.
Can’t believe I’m defending Ellen, but it’s probably ’cause i’m still in a state of bliss from the lack of Paula.
Kara first. Let’s see how Ellen holds up for a whole season before the throat punches commence! :)
*POST AUTHOR*
Oh, in the macro I’m definitely talking about “judging” as defined by this show, which certainly isn’t limited to when their opinions “matter.” But as to the specific issue of musical knowledge on which to judge someone else, I think that carries some weight as well. At least put someone up there who could argue knowledge or experience on paper (like Paula) … for all we know, Ellen could be tone-deaf!
I like your approach, but the problem with moving on Kara first is that you leave Ellen to entrench herself, which is exactly what happened with Kara this season. Up until Paula left, Kara was the inexperienced one most easily outed (not that the show was contemplating that, but still). Now she’s a grizzled veteran as far as when compared to Ellen. The easiest one to move is always going to be the newest … and then if Ellen gets shipped off, Kara’s the newbie again, so we can knock her off too!
ok, i can get behind that plan. :)
Yeah this isn’t Dancing, the judges are completely pointless. Once Simon leaves they should just drop all the judges and save a shitload of money. A drunk, a yo dog that wa ba, a “i’m better than you” bitch, and a mean British guy are not judges. lol
*POST AUTHOR*
Wait, how are they relevant in a dancing competition?
I thought at first that you were suggesting a new panel “A drunk, a yo dog that wa ba….” until I saw the British guy. They could pick four random people every week to “judge” … that might be fun!
Nah, I was describing the “old” four judges, drunk was replaced by lesbian. :)
On “So you think you can dance?” the judges actually vote off the first 10 people, so they better know some dancing.