Merlin – King Uther and a troll, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g

Merlin‘s first two-parter, “Beauty and the Beast,” is one of my favorites from Season 2, simply because King Uther “Stick-up-his-butt” Pendragon finally got taken down a notch after falling head over heels for a troll. Julia got a kick out of the episode too. So here we go – the Merlin dialogues, week five.

Julia: This entire episode is pretty much perfectly built around what I like to call “The Jenny McCarthy Principle,” which is: Seeing a beautiful woman do disgusting things is AWESOME (also known as the “Something About Mary Principle”). And by revealing what I call that principle, I have just grotesquely dated myself. Right on.

Ruby: I have to say, Sarah Parish did an amazing job. She obviously put the performance before her pride. I mean, how many beautiful actresses would be willing to make themselves look that putrid and grotesque? She devoted her body, her face, her voice, everything to the part, and just reveled in the grossness of it … what a great choice for the part. Merlin brings in some fantastic guest stars.

Julia: I have to wonder what the guy who plays Catrina’s dogsbody Jonas is like in real life. He’s so convincingly un-human that I feel like there’s no way if you saw him walking down the street you wouldn’t be a little creeped out. I mean, prosthetics can only take you so far.

Ruby: I kind of like him. He’s like a little gargoyle sidekick straight out of a Disney picture. But I checked out some photos of the actor, Adam Godley, and he does indeed look creepy in real life — creepy or comical, depending on the angle. The casting director probably took one look at his ears and said, “That’s him! That’s my little toady.”

Julia: Do you think Jonas does Lady Catrina’s hair? Because if so, I don’t care if he has a tail – I will hire him so fast to do mine. Actually, I feel like this whole episode could be some sort of deep, meta statement on the shallowness in our society, about how we only care for superficial beauty, about the poor self-esteem and underhanded grappling for affection we reduce people to when we deem them “ugly,” but you know what, this is Merlin. Why am I applying deep philosophical thinking here?

Ruby: Don’t know. Not that it’s strange to be gleaning pearls of wisdom from a troll story. Not strange at all… That’s what we do, my friend. We use our heads. Unlike the illustrious Uther “I-hate-magic-oooh-what’s-that-cool- glowy-thing-I-want-it” Pendragon.

Julia: People of Camelot, if a jewel glows oddly and looks like it came from something made by Mattel, it’s STILL NOT A GOOD IDEA TO TOY AROUND WITH IT.

Ruby: The man never learns … but at least he’s found a woman whose musky troll aroma and curvaceous bod can turn him on.

Julia: I feel like hidden in this episode somewhere is a Viagra or Cialis ad. Has this situation happened to you? It’s been ages since your wife died and you got any, but when a troll disguised as a super-fine woman tries to get all up in that, you panic! Never again, now that you’ve tried Gaius’ Mysterious Manhood Tonic! Available at your local market place, the next right after the dung cart, sold by the toothless lady.

Ruby: Haha. The wonderful thing about this episode is that we get to laugh at Uther for once, instead of longing to throw decomposing vegetables (and sometimes knives and other sharp objects) at him.

Julia: Dear Merlin writing team: please include more ridiculous and comedic Anthony Head in the future. Please and thank you, me.

Ruby: The thing about Anthony Head is that I always feel that he wants to laugh but is trying to keep a serious face. Poor guy so rarely gets to be funny. Unlike our pixie-faced hero.

Julia: Colin Morgan plays “stupified by a pretty lady” perfectly. I’m torn between finding it adorable, hysterically accurate, and wanting to bake him cookies and tell him it’s okay, one day girls will make sense. There, there.

Ruby: And Arthur was his usual oblivious, man-child self. That’s why we love him. He always thinks he knows exactly what’s going on, and he’s always thoroughly wrong (quite like his father in that way).

Julia: I’m not sure what makes me laugh harder — the fact that Arthur actually uttered the line “I understand you have no social skills” to Merlin, or that he actually believes that Merlin would sneak into his room just to get some fantasy fodder with a tiny little mirror out his window. Because, you know, that’s clearly how Merlin rolls.

Ruby: He’s clueless. That’s the charm — because if he weren’t such a dolt, his arrogance and rudeness would be off-putting. It’s the cluelessness that makes him endearing. … Okay, I lie. It’s the body.

Julia: Oh hey there, gratuitously shirtless and not-under-the-covers Bradley James! It’s been like five whole episodes since we’ve seen your pectorals. That really is too long, I agree. Same time, same place next week?

Clacked by Ruby T.
on Apr 30, 2010 @ 22:54 EST5EDT