Quotation Marks – Network television isn’t the best place to zing Donald Trump

We’re gearing up for the end of the traditional Fall/Spring television season, and everybody’s bringing their “A” game. Unfortunately, not all “A” games were created equal. But there are enough shows out there today that we can always find something worth quoting. And rest assured that the recent realization by network executives that there really are 365 days in a year means that we’ll have new things to keep us laughing all summer long.

30 Rock

“God, three weddings in one day. That’s twelve hours in Spanx. My panty line is going to get infected again.” – Liz

“What, you’re too good for me now that I have hooks for hands?” – Drew
“No, it is not because you’re disabled. I’ve been dumped by four different guys in wheelchairs.” – Liz

“It’s real Oscar-bait, sir. You say things like ‘you don’t know my pain,’ and ‘you watch your mouth, Tyrese,’ and, in a less dramatic scene, ‘I’ll have hash browns.'” – Kenneth, on a potential script for Tracy

“I’ve prepared a very unromantic evening. We’re going to watch a film about female circumcision and eat a lot of Indian food.” – Jack

The Celebrity Apprentice

“He’s not easy to work for either.” – Don Don, in a joke about his father that fell flat (and might get him replaced by Eric next week!)

Community

“Friends don’t do what you did to us. Did the sisterhood of the traveling pants poison each other’s food so they were too sick to leave? No! I’ve never seen the movie, but I’m pretty sure they mailed each other pants!” – Jeff

Glee

“I feel like that guy who lost all his hair and then lost all his strength.” – Puck
“Samson?” – Santana
“Agassi.” – Puck

“I did some research … Blacks and Jews have a history of sticking up for each other. And Wikipedia says that King Martin Luther? Loved the Jews.” – Puck

“There is never an excuse for stirrup pants!” – Kurt

“So you like show tunes! That doesn’t mean you’re gay, that just means you’re awful.” – Sue

“Hey dad, I was just working on my assignment for Glee cub. Pink Houses, by John Mellencamp.” – Kurt
“Oh, really? I didn’t think that was in your wheelhouse.” – Bert
“Yeah, I think it’s really brave for a Midwesterner such as himself to sing about such a bold choice in interior design.” – Kurt

“Okay, I’m confused. I came home to find this note on your doorknob: ‘Do not interrupt me under any circumstances, I’m making out with a girl’ and I thought it was just the start of another one of your murder mystery dinners.” – Bert to Kurt

NCIS

“Grab your gear … and a little self-respect.” – Gibbs to Tony, when Tony’s wearing the “funny” nose and glasses

The Office

“I was up all night with CC.” – Pam, explaining why she was so tired
“You probably shouldn’t keep a baby up that late.” – Erin

Clacked by Aryeh S.
on May 16, 2010 @ 17:00 EST5EDT