Merlin – The battle for Camelot, now with a commentary track

My Merlin co-fanatic was busy with Yom Kippur, but she wanted to help out with this Merlin post — so she kindly summarized the entire episode in Julia-speak. I have inserted my thoughts, DVD-commentary-track style. Now visualize the scenes, and imagine my voice piping in at key moments.

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(In a cave somewhere)

Dragon: Wakey wakey, young warlock.

Merlin: Ow. I hurt all over but strangely, I’m no longer dying.

Dragon: Yes, I magically did a charm that cures all your problems, because I’m a dragon.

Merlin: I would normally question the massive hand-waving going on here, but I’m a bit too busy being grateful you’re not trying to kill me.

Dragon: Well, you’ve tamed me now, Merlin. And you must remember, you are forever responsible for that which you have tamed….

Merlin: Huh?

Dragon: Oops, sorry. Wrong little prince. I get all mixed up, sometimes.

Merlin: I’m just going to go back to sleep and pretend this is the venom talking.

——————–

(Back in Camelot)

RUBY: Shirtless Bradley sighting #154. Try not to break the pause button!

Arthur: Gaius! Where is Merlin? He’s been missing for an entire day, and now I’m forced to walk around in a tunic that very poorly covers my fantastic, rippling muscles.

Gaius: Yes, sire, I can see that, but Merlin isn’t here. I thought he was with you. You know. With you.

Arthur: What? That’s absurd! Oh, and when he comes back, tell him the next time he wants to break up, he’s going to have to do it to my face instead of just running off.

Gaius: Indeed.

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Morgana: Uther, while you may have personally been super nice to me and given me everything I ever wanted, you’re also an anti-magical bigot, and for that, I think I’m going to psychologically torture you.

Uther: I see dead people.

Morgana: Damn right, you do.

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Arthur: Merlin! There you are! I’ve been pretending not to be worried sick and listening to lots of Kelly Clarkson! You know why? Because my life would suck without you. You know, to bully.

Merlin: Hey, Arthur, I missed you and your verbal abuse too! Want to have a nice breakfast and talk about our feelings?

Arthur: I’d much rather throw things at you like I’m a toddler and continue to verge on emotional retardation.

Merlin: It’s so nice to be home.

——————–

(Later that day)

Sir Leon: Sire, Sauron’s — sorry, Cenred’s army is marching on Camelot.

Arthur: Crapballs. How long before they get here?

Sir Leon: Any day now they should be at the gates of Helm’s Deep — I mean, dammit, Camelot. Why do I keep making that mistake?

Arthur: No idea. Mind if I sit down on this throne meaningfully while some kingly music swells?

Sir Leon: Go right ahead, sire. And may I say, that throne really brings out your eyes.

RUBY: I’m glad Sir Leon is still alive. When the skeletons started falling apart, there was one redshirt guy who made the most hilarious face — his eyes bugged out like, “OMG I cannot believe I am still alive!” We should keep track of this sort of thing, like they do with those “Days without a Workplace Accident” signs. Days without a Red-Cape Death: Zero.

——————–

Merlin: So, Arthur, you looked really, um, nice, back there. You know. Sitting on that throne. It gave me a tingly feeling that I think has something to do with our destiny. I think we have a great destiny together. And I think you’ll be a great king. Like, the awesomest king. You’ll clearly have the nicest hair. And your abdominal muscles will be the most rippling in the land. One day, people will tell their children about your manly chest.

Arthur: Merlin, I have a battle to prepare for, and I still haven’t forgiven you for leaving like that, okay? Don’t try to sweet-talk me.

RUBY: You can see Merlin’s confidence in himself growing in this episode. I think maybe it had something to do with the fact that he’s learned how to train his dragon. But despite Arthur being extra peevish and childish (throwing insults and breakable objects at him with equal force), Merlin doesn’t back down at all. He doesn’t even feel the need to laugh it off — he coolly tells Prince Dumb Blonde that he is destined to be the greatest king in the history of Albion. This scene is divine. Personally, I love it even more than the “No man is worth your tears” scene. It’s the birth of Merlin the wise counselor. He has finally gained enough confidence in his abilities and his destiny that he can bolster Arthur’s self-confidence. Merlin, after all, knows that if he is destined to help Arthur become a legendary king, then one puny battle with Morgause cannot thwart his fate.

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(Meanwhile, on a windy moor)

Cenred: Hello, Morgause. My, we’re looking sexy and evil today.

Morgause: I could say the same for you. That all-leather ensemble must be hell to keep clean, but it looks pretty damn good on you.

Cenred: I think we look pretty sexy and evil together. You know how we should celebrate? Destroying Camelot.

Morgause: Oh Cenred, you know just what to say to a girl.

RUBY: Someone needs to tell Morgause and Cenred to get a room. All their innuendo is making the horses blush.

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Clacked by Ruby T.
on Sep 18, 2010 @ 22:32 EST5EDT