Merlin – What becomes of the broken hearted?

Guys, I’m tired.

I’m trying so hard to like Arthur and Gwen together. I am. I really am. I should, by all rights, love them together and be rooting for the whole fairytale of a hard-working little girl to become queen of Camelot, blah blah. I was raised on Disney movies, after all. So why isn’t this working for me?

This episode should have made me switch teams. There was epic pining! There were violins swelling! There were pretty dresses! Dashing princes! But still, nothing. And for one good reason: Arthur and Gwen suck together. No, they more than suck together. They are excruciatingly awful together, romantically. What they really need is two weeks of dating to just get it out of their systems so we could all get over pretending that whatever’s between them is “true love.”

I mean, far be it from me to quote the pixie Grunhilda (played by the utterly fantastic Miriam Margolyes, who was having entirely too much fun with her role) about this whole situation, but what is love, anyway? Here today and gone tomorrow. Respect, that’s what lasts. And if Arthur and Gwen respect each other, I certainly haven’t seen proof of it. Oh, they admire each other. They idealize each other like fourteen year old girls do staring at a poster of Justin Beiber and imagining he’ll take them to the Spring Fling. They like the idea of what the other could become, but that isn’t respect. They say platitudes and what they think the other wants to hear and continue to build up this utter fantasy that I, as a viewer, am supposed to care about and root for.

Well pardon my French, but fuck that noise.

I don’t care. I spent the entire episode rooting for Arthur to get married to Elena (played by the similarly fantastic Georgia King), because I liked her better than Gwen. She’s spunky, and sweet, and funny. She and Arthur have a lot in common. She’s realistic. She’s endearing.

Gwen, on the other hand, is acting like a spoiled child. She’s spent the last two seasons leading Arthur on horribly, kissing him and cuddling him and then the second he tries to reciprocate, preaching about how this can never be. She pretty much goes to his room just to have a conversation that serves no purpose other than to rub salt in the “we can never be together” wound. And then! After she’s told him they’re over, she’s still moping and making miserable pathetic eyes at him. Gwen, get your act together and get some self-respect. Either she wants to be with Arthur or she needs to get over her stupid princess fantasy leave Arthur alone. But right now, she’s loathsome, which is also sad and tiring, because I started this show loving her so much. Where’s sweet, sensible, motherly, totally awesome Gwen? Where’s Gwen who had an iota of common sense and dignity? Can I have her back, please?

I understand that the writers have a conundrum. They need Arthur and Gwen to get married, and this is a kid’s show, so of course all marriages are supposed to be for true love. But they also need it to be an ultimately flawed true love, since Gwen’s going to cheat on Arthur and ride off into the sunset with Lancelot. They’re trying to make Gwen likable but torn between two great guys. They’re trying so hard to make this work. I can see how painfully difficult it is. But in between all the logical gymnastics they’re forcing themselves through, have they ever stopped to consider that maybe what they’re trying to do is inherently stupid?

Arthur and Merlin are the heart of the show, separately or together. They are the main characters. They are the ones the majority of the audience watches for, and cares about, and wants to see get a happily ever after. And if we continue on this narrative, we end up with Gwen seeming like a giant jerk and Merlin and Arthur ultimately dying miserable and loveless, which is a crappy ending. This was the problem I had with the original legend. I never understood why Arthur, who was the greatest thing since sliced bread, couldn’t land a decent girl.

And there is a really, really simple solution: get Merlin and Arthur together. It would solve everything. Drop the stupid “we can’t make this show gay because it’s for children” argument because it makes no sense, unless we’re supposed to buy that drowning small children isn’t psychologically damaging, but gayness is. That way, when Gwen and Arthur decide to get married, it can be based on mutual affection, her ability to rule well, and the fact that Arthur can’t marry Merlin, as he’s, you know, a boy. Voila. Suddenly, Gwen seems a lot more sympathetic, riding off with Lancelot. She’d still have been a brat before, but who doesn’t act like a brat when they’re in adolescent infatuation? At least she’d stop repeatedly breaking Arthur’s heart, which, let’s face it, pretty unforgivable. Gone is the problem of Gwen and Arthur having no chemistry, or of them supposed to be the truest of true loves when we’re also trying to reconcile the fact that Gwen’s in love with Lancelot, or that Merlin and Arthur are two halves of a whole and destined to be together forever. All problems are magically solved.

But for whatever reason, the writers of Merlin, while capable of creating a delightful, enchanting, deeply entertaining show, are totally unable to see the solution staring them in the face. (Also, they are unable to do a simple bit of poking around fan sites to see that Arthur and Merlin together is far, far more popular than Arthur and Gwen.)  So we get episodes like this. And we get me, sitting here writing another review about how frustrated I am, and the strange, abusive relationship Merlin and I have continues. It is, like I said, very, very tiring. I am tired of finding creative ways to re-write this. I am sure you are tired of reading this. I would like this madness to end, please.

And barring that, I would like a nap.

Clacked by Julia Hass
on Oct 16, 2010 @ 23:17 EST5EDT