The Xmas Song
It’s the viloent-est season of the year
And Kringlebot has come dispensing mugs of Xmas fear
Sugarplummy visions will be dancing in your head
When I cane you from the comfort of my sled
On Xmas Eve we don our gay apparel
Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel
And if Grandma’s Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass
It can be regifted straight to Santa’s ass
But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial
The tinsel and the trappings are just icing on the missile
The one thing that you need to make your Xmas day splendiferous
Is a pine tree
A pine tree that’s coniferous
We have to have a pine tree that’s coniferous
The Robanukah Song
Robanukah may sound as if it’s Jewish
But it’s ancient-sounding customs are exceptionally new-ish
So take a hearty swallow from your robo-kiddush cup
Which will give me time to quickly make them up
Do you spin a dreidel made from clay?
Mine is called a droidl and it’s rigged to make you pay
Do you eat these yummy tin-wrapped chocolate coins?
Better! We have fembots with illegal five-speed groins!
But by far the most important thing is oil
To keep the lamplight burning or to help the latkes broil?
No we pull the holy lubricant up from the sacred vessel
Into this blessed pit so they can wrestle
The extra made-up touch that makes Robanukah so special
Is the oil in which the nasty fembots wrestle
The Kwanzaa Song
There’s seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa
So sit your asses down and have some knowledge dropped upons ya
Kujichagulia and Umoja and the rest
Now we get it
Sit back down
There’s gonna be a test
My favorite’s Ujamaa
Cooperative economics
Yo, Boondocks, I’m talkin’ here
Put away the comics
Ku’umba is another one
It stands for creativity
Like the ever-changing nature
Of my sexual proclivity
I think there’s one called Nia
But I don’t speak Swahili
Something about a pine tree
And and oil-wrestling dealie?
That’s from Xmas and Robanukah
You plagiarizing lout!
Yeah I’m kinda losing interest here
I best be rollin’ out
But before I go
The most important thing
What’s that black Santa?
You need seven Kwanzaa candles that you light up every night
But they best be made of beeswax or y’all might as well be white
Clacked by Keith McDuffee 
on Nov 22, 2010 @ 00:28 EST5EDT
