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Quotation Marks – Steven Tyler, meat tornado, and playgrounds

Steven Tyler ... Who would have thought that, when he joined the Judges Panel at 'American Idol,' that he would become the fixture he's now destined to be in our weekly Quotation Marks post?

As it turns out, American Idol has found a way to take the train wreck that is watching the auditions and extend that into the regular part of the season. That way, unfortunately, is Steven Tyler. Sometimes, I read the things that he says, and I can only imagine what it would be like to be on the receiving end of his “wit.”

American Idol

“Slap that baby on the ass and call me Christmas.” – Steven Tyler

“Well hellfire, save matches, (fornicate) a duck and see what hatches.” – Steven Tyler

“Can I get a sip from your cup?” – Contestant to Randy Jackson after his audition

“I’m pretty much a wedding and funeral singer … weddings tend to be more fun.” – Contestant Steve Beghun

“I found you to be disturbingly great.” – Steven Tyler to Steve Beghun

“That’s why he sings so good … ’cause he sings to you. …” – Steven Tyler to contestant Chris Medina’s brain-injured fiancée Juliana

Being Human

“How are you?” – Sally
“Well, I didn’t kill my sister, so … guess I can’t complain.” – Josh

“What’s it going to be: us or them?” – Bishop
“It was never a question, not really. Maybe I am sentenced to a life of hell with you, but here and now … I choose them.” – Aiden

30 Rock

“Every crazy A-lister owns an island: Nicholas Cage, Celine Dion, Charles Widmore.” – Tracy (Bonus points for the Lost shout out)

“I’m as happy as a clam that wants to kill some woman.” – Tracy, trying to be nice for the reality show cameras

“Someone get a PA to feed me baby food, or I will drop a D in the green room! Yeah, last week you thought I was crying wolf, didn’t ya?” – Jenna

Community

“Annie, question. Is Pierce marijuana? And does marijuana make people work faster? I thought it just made people custom paint their vans and solve mysteries.” – Abed

Parks and Rec

“I don’t much go for ethnic food.” – Ron
“Trust me. They have one that’s called ‘the meat tornado.’ Literally killed a guy last year.” – Andy
“You had me at meat tornado.” – Ron

Cougar Town

“Why me? Why do you want to torture me with your filthy stories?” – Jules
“You used to be one of us. Stalking young prey without mercy or shame.” – Barb
“When are people going to understand? That’s not who I am anymore. What do I have to do? Change my name?” – Jules

Greek

“Wait a minute … that Katherine is that Katherine, the smart one from law school?” – Beaver to Casey

“You’re my favorite lady I’ve never had sex with, Casey.” – Beaver to Casey

House

“Playground. Great place to meet chicks. Their moms too.” – House, when asked where he was

Photo Credit: FOX

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