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Quotation Marks – Happy Endings, Community, Bones & more

Take a look back at the week in quotes, as the Clique offers up our favorites of the week. If we missed yours, share it in the comments!

Community

“We’re friends, Annie. Remember? We played Dungeons and Dragons together.” — Neil
“That was a game … THIS IS PAINTBALL.” — Annie

“Jeff wants to see you.” — Abed
“Yeah? And I want pants. A lot of people want a lot of things.” — Annie

“What do you want, Jeff?” — Annie
“Yikes. Well, what do we all want? Ammo. How much you got left?” — Jeff
“$100,000 worth.” — Annie
“Yeah, we’re running low, too.” — Abed
“Shut up, Abed.” — Jeff

“Does that guy even go to this school? He’s really good looking. Like network TV good looking.” — Abed on Josh Holloway’s Black Rider

“OK, Black Rider … now let’s see who’s attractive.” — Jeff
“Dude, you have a problem.” — Troy

Parks and Recreation

“Leslie has a lot of qualities I find horrifying. But the worst one by far is how thoughtful she can be.” – Ron

“The only thing I’m guilty of is loving Pawnee. And punching Lindsey in the face. And shoving a coffee filter down her pants. But, in my defense, I believe assault should be legal if a person is a jerk.” – Leslie

30 Rock

“Can I borrow a cup of sugar? I’m trying to get a hummingbird to drink out of my penis.” – Tracy

“Sounds like you could a little R and R — Rum and Ritalin.” – Dr. Spaceman

“I don’t like to swear, sir, but no thank you!” – Kenneth

“God, are you punishing me because my hair is better than yours?” – Jack

Happy Endings

“You, my friend, are a gaycist.” — Max, to Brad
“What?” — Brad
“You think that all gays are the same. You think just because Franklin and I are both friends of Elton, we’re just gonna pack it up, move to Vermont and start selling antiques?” — Max

“My name is Yoni. Which in Hebrew is short for ‘God’s gift.’ Unfortunately, in Sanskrit, it means ‘female genitals.’” — Yoni, the krav maga instructor

“I had to be completely still, which is why I was lying on the couch, and I had to take off my pants, because the mouse could hear my … jeans.” — Dave, to Alex, explaining his behavior when she walked in on him at the apartment

“Toby’s here. Why is he still dressed like that?” — Penny, confused by her date’s mismatched outfit on a non-laundry day
Oh my god. You know what he is, right? … He’s a hipster, Penny. All those things you like, he likes them ironically!” — Max

“Meet my friends, Ione and Atticus. She has a blog about zines and he won the mustache contest three years in a row.” — Toby, introducing fake hipster Penny to his friends
“I don’t care.” — Atticus
“See that guy? [Gestures to guitar player] He’s right-handed; he refuses to play with his dominant hand. It’s too commercial.” — Toby
“He’s huge in the abandoned gas station circuit.” — Ione
“What do you think?” — Atticus, to Penny
“Oh, uh … over it.”  — Penny
“Totally, super over it.” — the hipsters

“Hey everybody! Look over there! Sofia Coppola‘s playing badminton with Jason Schwartzman!” — Max, distracting the hipsters from the fact that Dave’s food truck has no food

American Idol

“I don’t see you as Chris Brown or Jordin Sparks.” – Randy Jackson to Jacob Lusk, post-hideous-performance of “No Air”

“Up to now you’ve been like a Puritan, you know? But I swear to God … I saw you dance with the devil tonight.” – Steven Tyler to Scott McCreery commenting on his “Gone”

How I Met Your Mother

“I don’t see you as Chris Brown or Jordin Sparks.” – Randy Jackson to Jacob Lusk, post-hideous-performance of “No Air”

“Up to now you’ve been like a Puritan, you know? But I swear to God … I saw you dance with the devil tonight.” – Steven Tyler to Scott McCreery commenting on his “Gone”

“We fired him when we caught him clubbing a seal in his office, with an even cuter seal.” – Hobbs

“Look Lily, I think this girl wants our seat. Should we leave, or stay here Lionel Ritchie Style: ‘All Night Long?’” – Robin
“Excuse me waitress, I’ll have a mojito, [to the annoying seat girl] and you’ll have-a no seat, ho.” – Lily

“Look I can handle you trying to prevent me from fulfilling a lifelong dream … That’s called being in a relationship.” – Ted

House

“You know, I was just thinking, how much I wanted a relationship with no sex yet where I still have to deal with your mother.” – House to Cuddy when she tells him her mother may be suing the hospital

“Medicinal. I’m expecting a shooting pain in my ass.” – House to Cuddy as he popped Vicodin

The Amazing Race

“The Matterhorn was named after the Disneyland ride.  Pretty mind-boggling to me.” — Zev, referring to the large, Swiss mountain ahead of him

“Had I known he had our clue, I would have just got the clue and left his ass down there.” — Jen after learning her rescue subject was holding their next clue

Bones

“Please Bones, I tell you what. When you get a good luck at that pudgy little baby face, your hormones are going to go wacko. And before you know … BANG! Bumba Bones!” – Booth

“That’s not how it happens, Booth.” – Bones
“I think that’s how it works [smiling]” – Booth

“And who are you?” – Meachum
“Dr. Brennan is the best forensic anthropologist in the country.” – Caroline
“World.” – Bones

“I know how it feels not to trust anyone. People lie … but bones always tell the truth.” – Bones

“OK … Baby! Oh … OK … BABY! OK … OK … BABY!” – Hodgins
“According to the birthing class, that is so not how you’re supposed to react right now.” – Angela

Stargate Universe

“Yeah, but space is really, really big.” – Eli
“This room needs more chairs.” – Camile
“Here, please, go ahead [offers her the Captain’s chair].” – Young
“No, no, no … that’s yours.” – Camile
“What am I, Captain Kirk? I need to stretch my legs anyways.” – Young

“Well, fortunately Eli has a plan. It is absolute insanity, and it’s the only choice we’ve got.” – Rush

“I’m telling you right now we can’t survive something like that.” – Volker
“And I never said we would.” – Eli
“Well then I think it is a very bad plan.” – Volker

“What kind of city doesn’t have a gun shop?” – Greer
“Maybe they’re Canadian.” – Volker

Photo Credit: ABC/MICHAEL ANSELL

One Response to “Quotation Marks – Happy Endings, Community, Bones & more”

May 9, 2011 at 10:48 PM

lol i’m seriously tired of laughing at Happy Endings quotes yet cringing when watching the actual show

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