Sterling Archer always makes me want to grab him by the shoulders and demand, “What the hell were you thinking?!” But I’m not entirely sure he’d be able to answer the question.
In last week’s “Heart of Archness,” Archer was convinced he was going to be an awesome Pirate King. Unsurprisingly, he has failed miserably. Finding Archer drunk and naked in bed with company, Noah (David Cross) informs him that karaoke night and intramural lacrosse don’t mean jack if you fail at actual piracy. (I’m reminded of the King of the Hill episode “Wings of the Dope,” where Buckley’s Angel tells Luanne that she sucks at beauty school; you can see it here at the 5:08 mark.) The pirates are so frustrated at Archer’s complete failure as a leader that they first want to hold a democratic election, then challenge him to fight the resident brute.
It’s at this point that a frustrated Noah asks Archer if he ever read the orientation manual. Yes, the pirates have a Pirate King orientation manual. At least one of them took the time to write an entire book on the subject, in between looting and pillaging and whatnot.
What did Archer do with it? He set it on fire and used it to light his cigar. Yep. Classy.
So it is that one of Archer’s defining characteristics — his total ignorance — is once again his undoing. He shoots the radio that might be able to help him, Noah and Rip (Patrick Warburton) get out of trouble, just before the pirates decide to mutiny and have them all thrown in a cell. They’re not alone for long, though, as Ray and Lana (Adam Reed and Aisha Tyler) soon join them. Imprisoned, with the only potential rescuers trapped with you, most people would despair. What does Archer do? Celebrate, because he thinks Lana’s arrival means she’s still pining for him. (Which she is.)
I’m just going to throw this out there: I would really love to see “What Would Archer Do?” bracelets. If only so we could look at them, think about the answer to that question, and then do the exact opposite.
Not that anyone at ISIS is any better off. Malory (Jessica Walter) is inconsolable as she thinks that her son might be dead. Cyril (Chris Parnell) is equally anguished at the sad state of his budget, and decides that he’ll hide a few Swiss bank accounts to get back at everyone else for screwing it up. Unfortunately, when he comes to after passing out at his desk drunk, there’s a very naked Pam (Amber Nash) face down on the floor. I know she’s an animated character and not a real person, but I still think I’m a little bit scarred for life after seeing that.
Yet that’s the stuff that makes “Heart of Archness, Part 2″ work. It’s funny because the characters are simply being themselves and we’re laughing at the qualities — Archer’s ignorance, Lana’s temper, Malory’s mood swings, Pam’s perversity — that make them so outrageous. Much like Ray points out to Lana that she’s obviously still attracted to Archer, we can see how strange these people are even though they don’t. And the fact that they don’t is part of the joke. Not that we’d want them any other way.
And now that I consider it, I don’t want to know what Archer’s thinking …
Clacked by Brittany Frederick 
on Sep 23, 2011 @ 03:26 EST5EDT
