Never being one to shy away from topics the rest of society may find “uncomfortable,” this week’s episode of Modern Family entitled “Virgin Territory” explored what happens when parents must finally come to the realization that their kids are growing up. Once that sobering realization hits, it is often followed by another more terrifying revelation – is it possible that my kids have already taken that leap outside of virgin territory?
For “cool dad” Phil Dunphy, the time to ponder such mysteries of the universe began with this conversation during a car ride with Lily, Alex and Haley:
Alex: “I never really got dolls. Does that make me weird?”
Haley: “It’s on the list.”
Phil: “You’re not weird. You just kinda skipped the little girl stage.”
Haley: “And jumped to the ‘I dare you to ring your doorbell stage.’”
Alex: “The only stage you’re ever going to jump on has a pole on it.”
Haley: “Hey, at least I have the body for it.”
The girls begin arguing and Phil jumps in: “OK, OK … we’re gonna have to settle this dispute in court … the food court. The honorable Judge Cinnabon presiding.”
Haley: “The food court? That place smells like the inside of Luke’s bicycle helmet.”
Alex: “I like the food court.”
Lily: “Me too.”
Phil: “Don’t worry girls, we’re not gonna deprive ourselves just ‘cause of Haley’s aversion.”
Alex starts laughing really loud, looks around at her family and then stammers, “Oh, oh … Haley’s aversion … I thought you said … never mind.” (She abruptly cuts off her sentence after receiving a warning look from Haley.)
The conversation was followed by an awkward silence as Phil realized what Alex was implying about her older sister and everyone was apparently afraid to speak for fear of what might be revealed next. Some parents are like Washington bureaucrats in that they feel like a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy is the best approach when it comes to dealing with their teenager’s sexuality.
Countless other sitcoms have dealt with the topic of lost teen virginity – 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter covered similar topics every week as John Ritter obsessed over his daughter’s dating life and The Facts of Life had a very memorable episode in their last season entitled “The First Time” in which Natalie became the first of the girls to lose her virginity.
Despite not being exactly an “original” concept, the show’s brilliant writing once again shines through, finding a poignant way to really make me feel bad for Phil as he tells the doll doctor that he liked the “sweet little doll” better before she was broken and how she’ll never be the same again, obviously being a metaphor for his conflicted feelings about learning his eldest daughter is no longer a virgin.
It really made my heart go out to all the fathers out there who have to face this inevitable moment with their daughters. And yet, it also made me quite sad to know that this was yet another father-daughter moment stolen from me because my father was fatally shot while my mother was still pregnant with me. But judging by Phil’s reaction, maybe that’s not entirely a bad thing that I was spared this awkward rite of passage.
Did you catch the cameo from Ernie Hudson of Ghostbusters fame as one of Jay’s golfing buddies? If you blinked, you probably missed it. I only caught it because I met him at a horror convention once and will never forget him because he charged me twice, once for his autograph and once more for a photo opp with him. All I can say is he’s lucky he was in that fancy Ghostbusters suit with his name embroidered on it and I’m a huge dork for paying both fees.
Another cool thing I learned recently about Modern Family is that if you’re a Verizon customer, you can sign up on www.abc.com to get text alerts from the show’s online Memory Book showing photos and/or bonus footage that may not have aired. This week’s bonus footage was a hilarious scene between Phil and Claire discussing revealed secrets that you won’t want to miss. But you don’t have to take my word for it.
Other stand-out quotes from the episode:
Mitchell to Jay: “Remember that time we went golfing together and you got a hole-in-one? You never got a hole-in-one. I got bored and kicked it in the hole.”
Mitchell to Phil, talking about the doll hospital: “I think we’ve met our deductible for the year, so you should be good.”
Cam: “I knew for a fact Claire never returned my Tupperware, I just needed a few minutes alone to find it. And when I did, I’d never have to hear them snicker again. ‘Oh, silly Cam or forgetful Cam’ because revenge is a dish best served cold. And even better two days later out of a 24-ounce, microwave-friendly, burp-sealed Pack ‘N’ Store.”
Cam, talking about to Luke about applying gravy on his sore back: “If it can save your mom’s turkey, it can save anything.”
Phil: “You can get as many dolls as you want.”
Alex: “It’s $200.”
Phil: “One is fine.”
Phil: “So, this giant thing happened to our first-born and you kept me in the dark for three months?”
Claire: “I’m sorry. …”
Phil, hugging Claire: “Thank you.”
Clacked by Kim Tibbs
on Feb 23, 2012 @ 08:27 EST5EDT
