Snitches get stitches, or so I’ve learned from this week’s episode of Happy Endings, titled “You Snooze, You Bruise.” When Dave decides to “get ripped” by joining Max’s gym, he finds himself being bullied by Corey, played by guest star Bobby Moynihan from Saturday Night Live.
The brilliant twist? Turns out Corey is a gay bully who likes to run his mouth off, crush paper cups with his bare hands like he’s a real badass and occasionally knock his fellow man off one of those big, bouncy exercise balls. Though this may not sound very menacing, Dave has a tough time dealing with him without running to the gym manager and snitching on him like Cindy Brady.
Alex: “What Dave doesn’t realize when he’s running his mouth is snitches get stitches.”
It takes some advice from recovering bully Alex and self-proclaimed fitness guru Max to coach Dave on the best ways to fight back. I love that Dave’s first instinct was to “fight” the gym manager over canceling his gym membership rather than actually confronting the bully. Honestly, this probably would’ve been my response too. I’m not a very confrontational person and I don’t think I could ever stand up and face the bully at 3 p.m. with everyone watching and waiting to see me get knocked out.
Max as the fitness guru dressed like Josh Brolin from The Goonies was one of the funniest aspects of the night. Leave it to Penny to notice that and get really excited. One of my favorite things week-to-week has been the continued chemistry between Max and Penny. They are probably my two favorite characters because they work so well together and they get some of the best-written lines in the show.
Max and Derek’s “Homo Slow-mo” exercise routine on the treadmill also had me in stitches. If I had a hilarious gay best friend to work out with and make it that entertaining, I’d probably work out a lot more often. Wouldn’t we all?
The other storyline centering around Brad and Jane’s condo being fed up with Jane’s leadership in the homeowner’s association led to Jane deciding to “sleep on it” before making any decisions that might upset people, which was completely unlike her. I prefer her domineering personality because it provides a nice contrast to the rest of the slacker group. But what was she wearing when she decided to just chill? Those pants looked like a combination of M.C. Hammer pants and a flying squirrel – it wasn’t pretty but it sure as hell looked comfortable.
The best part of the episode by far though was the montage during the ending credits featuring President of the Homeowner’s Association Jane and First Gentleman Brad as they made their way across their condo’s lobby, resplendent in fancy shades and clothes, greeting their “fans” and paparazzi snapping their photos while Ice Cube’s “It Was a Good Day” played in the background. Loooved it.
Other stand-out quotes from the episode:
Max: “Oh yeah, I love the gym. The steam room, the smoothies, the free two-in-one shampoo and conditioner. … I’m a gym rat. I practically live there. You know what else I love? Wearing gym clothes. People see you on the street they feel bad about themselves. Did they hit the gym today? No. Did I? Yeah.”
Brad: “Jane running the building means I’m First Gentleman. People stand a little taller when I get in the elevator and Mr. Olson gives me a ham every month to maintain his plush parking spot. Get ready America because there are two black men in office up in here.”
Derek (describing his exercise regimen): “Curls for the girls, thighs for the guys, and bis for the bis.”
Max: “The point is you only thought he was straight because he’s a bully, but us gays can be anything we want, son. Lawyers, congressmen, murderers, dentists.”
Derek: “Life coaches for rich people’s pets. It’s a thing. Get into it.”
Max: “Yeah, he’s definitely a jerk … like a super hot dangerous jerk. … I was never into him before but something changed for me this morning. I love bad boys like Will Smith in the movie Bad Boys or even Martin Lawrence in Big Momma’s House.”
Brad: “Or Tea Leoni in Bad Boys. What? I like my bad boys with vaginas.”
Alex: “As a recovering bully, I know we’re all bark and no bite.”
Brad: “I’m wearing cargo shorts because all of my pants are in the dry cleaner’s and I don’t know which one we go to.”
Alex: “It’s kind of a decent look.”
Brad: “Yeah, my top half is at a museum fundraiser and my bottom half is selling veggie burritos in a parking lot outside a Widespread Panic concert.”
Penny: “No … that is accurate.”
Dave: “So, was Patrick Henry really gay?”
Max: “Oh yeah, a lot of the forefathers were gay. You should watch the gay History Channel.”
Dave: “That’s a thing?”
Derek: “Yeah, it’s called Bravo.”
Clacked by Kim Tibbs
on Mar 22, 2012 @ 15:10 EST5EDT
