CommercialClack – Orbit Gum

by Michael Noble

It’s CommercialClack time! With expletives! (Well ... sort of.) And gum!

Michael: You know, the world would be a better, more interesting place if we all just chewed gum.

Tara: I like gum. And it’s a free world. We could all chew it if we want, ya dummy!

Michael: (“Dummy”?) I don’t know about that, but …

**News Flash**: I have adopted “What the French, Toast?” into my everyday responses where appropriate because of this commercial. (As well as where not appropriate.) What do you think about that?

Tara: Since when are you appropriate Mr. Toe Jam Eater??

Michael: What the French, Toast? (See how I did that?)

Tara: Am I getting your goat? You Justin Timberlake-imposter son of a hoghead?

Michael: What … ??? (“Justin Tim …” ???) Are you Goofy? ‘Cause it sure sounds like you’re visiting Disneyland right now.

Tara: Who you callin’ goofy, you Watusi dancin’ Liberace Lover??

Michael: Watusi … huh ??? Hokay … I see your game, you matching Gordon Ramsay salt & pepper mill grinder!

Tara: Don’t you dare bring Gordon into this Dog Face Boy! I’ll pull out your eyeballs and stuff them in your waxy ears. Maybe then you’ll be able to see things better than you do frontways!

Michael: This is the perfect opportunity to offer you a stick of Orbit Raspberry Mint Gum. The whole world would be a better place if we could all just chew gum … don’t you think, you broom-pushing broom pusher, you?

Tara: You’ve already said that the world would be better if we all chewed gum, you Repeating Like a Bad Burrito Have Me Up All Night Watching Bad Sitcom Idiot!

Michael: Sooooooooooooooooooooo … you’re rejecting my gum offer then, aren’t you Ms. Chooses Not To Chew …

Tara: No. Actually I’d love some gum, please.

Michael: For “a good clean feeling … no matter what”?

Tara: That’s a lovely phrase. I wonder, where did you get it?

Michael: Oprah …

Tara: Figures. And you know? Maybe we shouldn’t review commercials like this one anymore …

Michael: Because you take them too seriously?

Tara: Not at all. It’s because you’re so lame at insults, Smelly McPutrid!

Michael: Chafe Inhibitor!

Tara: See what I mean?

Photo Credit: Mars Incorporated